I see stupid people, they are everywhere and they don’t even know who they are.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Stroller Scam

So I decided I would take the kids to do some holiday shopping while charity was at school. It was late and past their bedtime, but what the heck, I am super dad. What could go wrong? Believe it or not, the actual shopping went well so it is not the topic of this blog. However, I would like to take some cyber bandwidth and complain about what I call the mall "stroller scam"
For many of you who spend way too much time in the mall this may not be a mind blowing insight, but some of you may get a kick out of this.
I just get through the door at the Southtown mall and I see the rack of strollers you can rent. Deacon is tired, I don't have a stroller and I don't want to carry him the whole time. Seeing all of these car strollers almost brought me to tears because I knew deacon would love riding in the brrmmm brrmm. The excitement disappeared when I saw that it was going to cost me five #*@!#% dollars. "Oh, but they will give me a dollar back if I return the cart, so it won't be so bad." Troy thought to himself. Plus they take Visa. "Wow, what a cool idea" Troy thought to himself again. Obviously I rented a stroller and we went on our way.
Fast forward in your mind to the returning of the cart. Here I am ready to get my dollar back for the cart and what do you know. They pay me back in quarters. I thought "what the (expletive entered) am I going do with four quarters. Why can't they just put it back on my card?" Just as I had this thought I noticed a row of like at least a dozen gumball machines filled with wonderfully colorful gumballs.
"Oh, I get it you bunch of freaking rip-offs. You are going to charge me five bucks to use a stroller for a half hour, promising me a dollar back if I return the cart, and then take it right back because you know **** well that I can't tell my kids they can't have a gumball because I don't have any quarters. They just saw me grab a huge handful of them out of your stupid machine. (Deep breath in) You bunch of thugs. My props on running such a crafty scam.
I am proud to say that unlike many a naive folk. They didn't get a single one of my quarters.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Yard Art

Oh the holiday season.  Over the years it has become one of mine and Charity's (yes I said Charity) favorite holiday traditions to take notice of all the exceptional, well thought out, decorations on display. It usually goes like this.

Troy: Look at that.
Charity: Oh my gosh.
Troy: I have never seen anything so hideous.
Charity: What were they thinking.
Troy: Probably something like, "Hey, lets anoy our neigbors"
Charity: Troy, you are so funny. That's why I love you so much.
Troy: You know what I'm thinking?
Charity: What?
Troy: I wish I had a bee bee gun so I could shoot that thing up. (this line only applies to air filled yard decorations, and not the manger ones)

This year I would like to do something extra special. Each time I see decorations that just fill my heart with warm and cheer (aka laughter) I am going to blog them for all of you to enjoy. And if by chance you happen across something you would like to share with us. Please feel free to pass it along. Oh, and I am offering a box of chocolates to anyone who takes their picture with a pair of reindeer(the wire metal kind with lights) in a kinki position. Yes you may be the author of the position. (one of my holiday favorites)

Have a happy holiday!!!